Thursday, October 05, 2006

Iranian Religious Leader Talk Dirty

World leaders the world over have been encouraged by the straight talk (no pun intended) of former congressman Mark Foley. Today, Iranian Supreme Leader Sayyid Ali Khameini, spoke on the internet about masturbation and its appropriateness during the Holy Month Of Ramadan - a time of peace. Ramadan is a time where peaceful peace-loving Muslims gather peacefully to pray and honor their God. It ends each day with a family dinner and, on occassion, rioting.

Said Khameini, "If he do not intend masturbation and discharging semen and
nothing is discharged, his fasting is correct even though he has done a harām
(forbidden) act. But, if he intends masturbation or he knows that he usually
discharges semen by this process and semen really comes out, it is a haram
intentional breaking fasting."

Khameini is a religious figure who ia an auhority on such subjects as religious beliefs and masturbation. His followers affectionately refer to him as "the Spunk Monk."

Monday, October 02, 2006

GOP Public Statement: We never met the guy...

Today, GOP Senators and members of the house held a joint press conference stating: "We don't know anybody."

Due to recent scandals, most recently the one where GOP Rep Mark Foley was caught sending illicit emails to underage interns, many GOPers have established a policy of creating distance from each other.

At the press conference Senator John McCain said, "I've never met any of these people in my life and refuse to somehow be linked to any of them or their scandals. Heck, some of my best friends are Democrats so I really d0n't know what you're talking about. "

Bill Frist who declined to be photographed with any one else at the afternoon meeting had this statement: "If elected to office, we promise to work with the other side of the aisle as long as no other Republicans are sitting there either. If so, we have no knowledge of any of their actions and refuse to be associated with them."

A Republican member of the House of Representatives was also on hand at the press conference but wore a fake nose and glasses.

NMBLA Declares Support for GOP Rep Mark Foley

The National Man Boy Love Association today issued a statement declaring their support for embattled GOP Representative Mark Foley of Florida.

Said NMBLA spokesman Kuhmir Littleboy, “Although usually we try to cast our support in favor of Democrats and homosexuals, we felt the cause was worthy and we should come out in favor of flirting with sixteen year old boys.”

The ACLU has been silent on the issue of dirty emails, mostly because Rep Foley is neither Black nor Muslim. However, NMBLA has been quite vocal on their opinion.

“We have always supported the notion of grown men sleeping with children. Normally we proclaim this message at local Gay Pride Parades, but we feel it’s never a wrong time to speak up, just as there’s never a wrong time to hump young boys.”

GOP Rep Foley, who tendered his resignation, had the following statement: “I have no comment on this statement of support from NMBLA. By the way – what were they wearing?”