Saturday, September 23, 2006

CIA Announces New Tools in GWOT

Inspired by the latest news that Osama Bin Laden may be dead from typhoid, the CIA today announced a new program for dealing with terrorists.

A CIA Spokesman issued the following statement.

"We understand the key to capturing foreign terrorists is to have a strong
intelligence network. This is difficult for us since our intelligence gathering
is limited to eavesdropping at cafes, asking Israeli intelligence for
information, and surfing My Space. We felt a better approach was to
use the most powerful resources for exterminating these threats. At this point
we are looking at spreading typhoid, encouraging terrorists to eat spinach,
and investigating the benefits of atherosclerosis."

In other news, the CIA is no closer to finding the new head of the Al Queda network but sources speculate that he may indeed have bursitis.


At 2:29 PM, Blogger Nuclear Siafu said...

It is quite impossible for the new spokesman to catch any human ailment,
for obvious reasons.

Still, a little creative bio warfare on the rest of Al-Qaida couldn't hurt, but I think there might be ethical concerns over a spinach bomb.

At 11:38 AM, Anonymous Ron Rockstar said...

They left out the most useful tool for capturing OBL. That would be singing crack-whores. I hear that Osama has a real "urge" for singing crack-whores.


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